So it has been a long time since I have managed to write a post! Not something I’m happy about but life has just taken over.
So while I’m sitting here in hospital feeling like my life is a mess it made me think about how being a mum is such a balancing act!
As a mum you are the centre of your family, the glue that’s holding everything in place, I’m not sure why we get this role but we do and we own it … the only problem is when everything turns to shit we still have to some how balance everything out and try and stop the cracks from forming.
So recently, 10 weeks ago to be exact, I found out I was having a new little bundle of joy! Baby2 was on its way and after the shock wore off the happiness and excitement started .. and then the tiredness. The problem wasn’t so much the pregnancy but I had been battling an undiagnosed bowel disease which was slowly taking over my day to day life. When you think of a bowel disease you think IBS well this is that times a 1000, it exhausts you and makes you go to the toilet 20+ times a day, stops you from eating, dehydrates you, and basically runs your life. Trying to battle this plus a 5/6 month old hasn’t been easy. She is my whole world and I dedicate my life to her and making her happy but slowly her happy healthy mummy has been deteriorating and hasn’t been able to give her everything she needs, my balancing act is slowly starting to tip but I refused to give in.
Up at 5 everyday, both always dressed, full face of make up on (nothing is worse then seeing your self look like shit!) home cooked meals for aria everyday, washing, tidying – all done by me, bottles, feeds, homemade from scratch dinners eveynight for when my partner gets in, Arias bedtime routine bath full body massage bottle bed, more bottles, cleaning, shower bed for mummy about 10 o’clock if not later! Then repeat!
^^^ all of this and a bowel disease and a pregnancy of course that balancing act was going to eventually fall! Also I still help my dad run his business and i also run my own with my sister 😴😴😴😴
Of course I was going to fall at some point my life isn’t realistic I can’t do everything, be everything, it’s not possible. I’m not one to give in and I will fight till then end but it was getting to the point of when will I fail instead of what if I fail soon.
Lets change that word! I didn’t fail, I cracked, I broke, you can’t run a car on no petrol so why I thought I would keep running on love and air I will never know.
The final straw came when my dad went on holiday, so on top of my normal life I had to run his business for a week. On top of that it’s the busiest season for my business too. That was a long week everyday i was slowly getting more and more sick. Friday came ( the day my dad was coming home) and I gave in and went to a&e. It’s now Tuesday and I’m still here with no idea of when I will be leaving!
So why do we do it?? Why do we not give ourselfs a break, why did I not ask for help, why didn’t I let someone have Aria for an hour so I could have had a nap?
I’ve realised we can’t be everything and do everything. All that should matter is Aria me and her dad are HEALTHY we are fed and we are happy! That’s it simple. It’s time to stop trying to balance everything and balance only what is important instead!
Big wake up call! We all need a break at some point and in future I’m going to make sure it’s at a spa and not a hospital room!
‘No matter how you feel, get up, dress up, show up and never give up!’